I'll mend this with you
by Angeebaby
Summary: Emotionally scarred and unable to deal with consequences of her actions, fifteen year old Bella leaves Forks. Two years later she returns a new person. I should warn you i suuuuuck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1 prologue

Sometimes your body takes you places that you never really planned on going.

In this case, i planned , Rosalie and Alice planned it, and i stupidly went along with it.

Even after two years i still hate myself for what i did. Even if i wasn't alone in the plotting, my two best friends helped. My two Ex best friends. The "EX" being my fault. I knew they were only trying to knew how long and how much i wanted him, and to be fair, they really thought he felt the same for me.I had no right to be angry with them, i agreed to everything they planned..i even wore the stupid lingerie they bought me. Still, i was angry,i am still angry

They called every day for almost a year after i left, but i never answered.I couldn't. Eventually i changed my cell number when it started to hurt to much to see their numbers on my caller i.d. I deleted every unread text, and only listened to a few of the many voice mail messages they left. Alice cried in every one, begging me to answer, or begging me to come back. I felt guilty every time i heard a message she left. It hurt to hear her in so much yelled in every message she left. I knew her very well though, her tough exterior was only a cover. She hated to be vulnerable, and the only way she knew how to deal with things was by yelling. She had a heart of gold underneath it all. I found her yelling at me to quit being so stubborn and stupid, more endearing then cry's.

He called twelve times in the first year. I never answered. After the first few weeks, i wanted to answer. I wanted tot ease the worries of my closest friends. I wanted tot explain why i had left, and why i couldn't come back, but as each day passed, it got harder and harder to bring myself to try. I knew i was being a stupid, immature kid, but i didn't know how to fix it.

I knew they felt guilty, and i wanted to hug the pain they felt of loosing their best friend away. I wanted to call them up and explain i didn't leave because i blamed them, i didn't. I was too ashamed and embarrassed, and i was too immature to deal with anything or anyone after.I handled things horribly, and i hated myself because of it. So i left, without an explanation. Without a goodbye.

I was a different person now. I wasn't the kind of girl who ran away. I was strong, independent, and i grew some fucking . I was my own person, and i was confident in who i was.

I heard the flight attendants voice overhead, and the seat belt light flashed over my head. I wondered what the reactions of my old friends would be Monday at school. I expected mixed reactions, all involving anger. Oh yeah, i expected huge amounts of anger.I couldn't blame them, but i also wouldn't take anyone's shit. I wasn't the same Bella anymore, and everyone would know it.

As the plane landed in Forks, i couldn't help but remember. Remember the events that led me to leave the home i was now returning to...


	2. chapter 2

_FLASHBACK_

_The beginning of sophomore year_

_Forks, WA_

_I slammed the front door of my house harder than i intended.I didn't want to draw attention from Charlie. If anything, i wanted to spare him the embarrassing details of my night. It would just be uncomfortable for both of us anyway. He wasn't good with the whole trying to comfort his teenage daughter thing anyway. He actually wasn't big on talking, period._

_I never minded. We were a lot alike, Charlie and I. _

_"Bells, is that you?" he was in the living room watching some sports game. I heard genuine concern in his voice when he asked "I hope everything is alright, i didn't expect you home until midnight"_

_"Everything is fine Cha- dad" he hated when i called him Charlie. "I'm just tired, so i came home "_

_"Goodnight, i will see ya in the morning" i could still hear the concern in his voice, but i knew he would let it was never one to pry._

_I hurried upstairs to my room, walking quickly past the living room. I didn't want him to worry anymore, and i knew he would, if he saw my tear stained face.I sat down on my bed and let my head fall into my now flowed freely as the pain seemed to sink in deeper. In my 15 years, never had i ever felt so humiliated. Never in so much pain as i was in now._

_I cant believe i was so fucking stupid! I cant believe i let Rose and Alice talk me into this! I cant understand how i believed them when they told me they knew Edward liked me!_

_EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN!?!_

_How could i be so naive? How could i have done this? My first time, with a drunk Edward who thought i was someone else! How could i not know he was drunk? How could he think i was Lauren?_

_So many things running through my head. I knew i should just go to sleep, but the dull ache between my thighs was screaming for attention.I peeked between my fingers, more than afraid to look._

_Blood._

_I knew it would hurt, but i didnt expect blood. Rose and Alice said i probably wouldn't bleed, they hadn't, their first time._

_It might have been because their first time was with their boyfriends, Jasper and Emmett, who loved them, and was gentle and sweet._

_I cleaned up and put on my cotton nightgown before crawling into bed. I wondered what i was going to do tomorrow, what i was going to say. I ignored my buzzing phone, knowing it was Alice. I hadnt talked to anyone since i left the party, and i didn't want to start now. I didn't know when i would be ready.I turned my cell off, before i started crying again, and before i drifted off to sleep._

_I woke up three days later._

_Not literally of course, but i hadn't left my bed since i went to sleep that night. Charlie was so worried he stayed home from work that first day, he already had his suspisions that i wasnt ok. I tried to convince him i was just sick with some sort of flu thing, but i had no symptoms to support my lie. He eventually left me alone though, and he went back to work. He still called throughout the day, and spent his lunch coming home to bring me food i would barely touch. He knew if i wanted to talk i would, i loved him more than ever for his unfailing support._

_He even lied to Alice and Rose for me. Anytime they would call the house or come by to see what was going on, he told them i was sleeping or not feeling well enough for visitors. He even didn't seem to mind my missing two weeks of school. I was an above average student though, so he had no doubt i could make it up easily._

_So at the end of the third day , i knew i had to get up, if only for my own sanity.I didn't want to be the girl i was becoming, the girl who gets all depressed and secluded because of one bad experience. I didnt believe that night was some fucked up 'high school experience" it was so much more to me.I told Alice nothing happend, and that i couldnt go through with it. She caught me leaving her house the night it happend. She seemed to believe me, though, she knew i wasnt ok. I played it off acting like i wasnt feeling well. I hoped everyone believed the lie about being sick, and more than that, i hoped Edward didnt remember what happend. I think my chances were good though, since he was too drunk to even realize it was much as the rejection hurt, i just had to pretend everything was ok._

_Even if I loved him with everything i had, being his friend was going to have to be enough._

_I loved him since i was eight years old, a week after i moved to Forks. The first time i saw him, he walked up to me, and i smiled shyly at him and said hello. He responded by pushing me down.I remember a few days after that; Alice, who had already declared herself my best friend for ever, dragged her bronze hair and green eyed brother up to me. He looked so guilty and adorable. Alice muttered something about privacy before she walked away. Whatever privacy meant to eight year olds._

_"Bella, im so sorry i pushed you down. I told Emmett i thought you were the prettiest girl in school now, and he told me the only way to show you i like you is to push you down"_

_I looked over at Emmett being yelled at by Alice. He had a huge silly grin on his boyish face, and absolutely no sign of guilt. I knew i couldn't dislike him, he was way to easy going and fun to be already felt like an older brother to me._

_"I really am sorry if i hurt you, i promise to never ever ever do it again. Can we be friends?" He gave me a lopsided grin, the same one that melted my insides still to this day. I nodded and smiled at him, and he gave me hug._

_I had wanted to tell him for years, but i always knew he was to good for me. He was beautiful,popular,smart,sweetly sensitive,confident, and he could have any girl in Forks. He knew it too, and took advantage of it. He wasnt some man slut, but he never had a permanent had a few select girls he fucked when he felt like didnt seem to care that they were being used, so noone else really cared either.I cared. He was always one of my best friends, and for awhile that was enough for things were always going to different, but as long as i was the only one who knew why, i would be ok and get through it. Through it, yes, but never over it._

_Somehow Rose and Ali convinced me he liked me too. They went on and on about the way he looked at me when i wasnt paying attention, the way he talked about me when i wasnt around,the way he got jealous when skeezy Mike Newton asked me out once a week, the way he picked me up and dropped me off from school everyday..and so on and so on. I knew it was just his way of looking out for me, trying to be a good friend._

_The next morning i got up early to get ready for school. I spent almost all night telling myself i was ready. I knew i wouldnt be able to look anyone in the eye, especially Edward. I thought going back would be a good first step though. I tried to convince myself it wasnt even a big deal, what happend. It was stupid mistake, that was all. Noone knew, and i wasnt going to tell anyone. _

_I spent time on my appearane, even putting some light makeup on to make myself look better. I straightened my wavy hair, so it now lay straight and shiny touching the top of my ass. I looked at myself in my floor length mirror, pleased with the results. I wore a simple mid thigh black skirt with black tights underneath, a silver tube top that gave me extra cleavage. I wore a black cardigan over it, and silver ballarina- like flats on my small feet. Alice would approve._

_I went downstairs to make charlie and i some eggs. He was sitting at the table already, reading the paper. He seemed suprised to see, but just smiled as i handed hm his plate._

_"Im working late tonight, so dont bother with a big dinner bells"_

_"Alright dad, have a good day" He kissed my forhead goodbye before walking out the front door._

_Edward didnt show up to take me to school, im sure he figured i was still sick. Thinking about it now though, he hadnt showed up the last three days. I brushed it aside, thinking Alice must have told him i wasnt feeling well. School was only a ten minute walk, and i needed the fresh air anyway._

_I felt tons better by the time i made my way to the front entrance of our tiny school.I noticed Emmetts huge red jeep in its normal space, but i didnt see the silver shiny volvo in its usual place next to it. I was about 5 minutes late, but i didnt care.I no longer felt as nervous or anxious about being here, so i didnt regret walking._

_My classes before lunch flew by. Everyone said the usual "glad your feeling better" or waved, or smiled. Lunch time came around and imade my way to the usual table. Jazz, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice were already there. Edward was nowhere in sight. Probably making out with Lauren or Maria in his car. They were all genuinly happy to see me, so i put on my best smile and sat down._

_"Bella!" Alice squeels when she's stoked about something. " Were going shopping tommorrow, since your better. We need a new outfit for the party next week" i rolled my eyes, know there was no point to argue. Rose notices and chuckled._

_"We missed you, Bells" wait..did that just come out of Rosalie Hale's mouth? Emmett looked just as shocked. Hs mouth fell open and the burrito he was chewing on, fell out onto the shot him one of her eveliest looks, and then turned back to me when i spoke._

_"So where is Edward?" Alice looked up at me when asked. I shrugged nonchantly, trying to seem like i didnt really care._

_"I dont know where he is, every morning for the last three days, he showed up for first period and then left. He's been acting weird since the homecoming party"_

_Jasper looked at me strangly before nodding in agreement._

_"He's hardly said a word to any of us" Jasper said, looking at me again._

_My heart skiped a beat, or five...he remembered. Why else would he be acting so weird? No...no no no no. I couldnt stop the sharp intake of breath that escaped my lips, and my eye's filled with tears. I tried to stand up and excuse myself to bathroom, but Alice stood up first._

_I recognized the look of recognition on her face. Her eyes got bigger and she gasped. She knew it when she saw my face._

_"Whats going on?" asked Rose. She looked up at me as i slowly stood. I knew she realized it too when she said "Oh god....Bella..."_

_I couldnt do this..i couldnt talk about it, not now. Not infront of a confused Jasper and Emmett. Not in a crowded lunch room. _

_I turned to walk away and ran right into him. He grabbed my arm before i could run away. I took one look at his beautiful face and burst into tears. I faintly heard Rose yelling at him_

_"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO EDWARD?! WHAT DID YOU TO HER?!" she screamed, and every head in the room turned to stare at us. I tried harder to get away, as i begged Rose to be quiet. She was standing next to us now, she looked livid..and terrifying. Alice walked over with tears in her eye's, trying to calm Rose and comfort me at the same time. Poor Jasper and Emmett still looked confused, but were standing as well._

_"What did he do Bella?" Emmett asked. I looked into Edwards eye's again, and i couldnt read the emotions that lay there._

_"I didnt know it was you" he almost whispered. It didnt hurt any less the secound time he said it._

_Apparently Alice was now livid, the tears that pooled at her eyes, now flowed freely. Still i didnt expect the words that came out next._

_"You bastard! She loved you Edward!" she said before gasping and coverng her mouth with her tiny hands._

_Oh no...oh godohgodohgodod. Please let me disappear now. _

_"Bella..ohgodimsosorryididntmean-..ididntmeantosayitohgodimsostupiditjustpoppedoutimsosorry-" she gushed out without taking a breath._

_Edward froze, i felt his body tenze before he let me go. _

_I ran out the lunch room without looking back._

Present Day

I didnt even want to think about that now though.I didn't want to think about the day i went back to school either. I promised myself i wouldnt before i left phoenix. I was a different girl now, in so many ways. I was no longer the quiet shy Bella, that took everyones shit. The girl who followed everyone else's plans, instead of making her own. The girl who never stood up for herself, or the girl who never knew exactly what she wanted. I will never be take advantage of, or be humiliated again. I knew who i was now.I had gone through too much when i left, too much to go through by myself. I know i chose to leave, but it still hurt all the events that took place that night effected my life in more ways than one, and i was still suffering because of it.

I took the first step off the plane and the old Forks air hit me in the face. I loved it.I missed it. The smell of rain and wet grass. I took a deep breath before walking right back into my old life.


End file.
